Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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