Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
