saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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