Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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