so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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