I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
