The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
