worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
