You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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