That's intense
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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