can u get pink eye on your cock?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
