Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize