Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think your dad took our porno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i out mim tonsoeep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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