Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
