I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
