I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
