Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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