Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
