Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
