For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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