@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if only i could text you this smell
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
