My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
