Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
