i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
