Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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