I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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