i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
