...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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