would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
