So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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