he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
