My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
