The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
