i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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