I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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