Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
