I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
