Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
