It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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