Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
