im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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