it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
