Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
