I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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