a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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