Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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