Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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