i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He? As in you personified your dick?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
