im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
