Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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