I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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