WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
