worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
