I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
