I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
two words...techno handjob
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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