You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
