I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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