Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
