just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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