guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
