what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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