Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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